We all complain sometimes. Children complain about friends who don’t talk to them at lunch, the mean teacher, the older brother who is always at work and the useless science homework! We adults complain about the attitude of our bosses, the work schedule, our partners’ always being late or our partners’ attitude. For some people, complaining seems like a way of life. It is their default way of communication, they complain from the morning until they fall asleep and they never seem to stop. Being surrounded by chronic sufferers can be frustrating. Learning how to stop complaining and change this behavioural pattern is essential.
When is it too much?
Not all people sit around all day and focus on the negatives in life. Some of us try to actively notice and talk about everything we have to be grateful for in life. We even share special moments with loved ones, pursue our passions in life, journal about gratitude or engage in other positive activities. However, we still find ourselves complaining more than the healthy dose.
We may need to voice our disappointment from time to time and to talk to our loved ones about both positive and negative emotions. When faced with difficult choices or situations, we seek the opinions of people we trust. Although it can be positive, it often includes sharing negative stories about our problems. Sometimes this turns into excessive complaining or gossip and can be a slippery slope.
So why do we complain?
Reducing the Stress
This is what most of us do when we complain – we talk about the stresses of life building up inside us to those close to us, with whom we can let our guard down. That’s why our kids complain about the bad teacher, we complain about our bosses and the colleagues. We release stress simply by expressing our frustration, disappointment, anger and they make us feel heard.
Inability to Solve a Problem
Some complain about their bosses because they feel trapped in their job. Your child is complaining about the science project because they feel overwhelmed. When you feel trapped, anxious or hurt, are unable to see other options, can’t solve the problem or find the courage to act, you complain.
Depression
Depression consumes our energy, causes us to only see the glass half empty, we only expect more of the same things and we feel despair. We complain because it’s all we think we can do.
Feeling of Inadequacy
The middle child who isn’t as smart as their sister or as athletic as their brother has to find other ways to attract attention in the family. Complaining may be one of the several ways a child feels that he or she receives attention, sympathy and support. It could work for the child, although not as efficiently in an adult relationship.
How to Stop Complaining?
Thought Stopper Technique
This is a technique popular among therapists to solve a range of problems because it works quite well. When an unwanted thought enters your head, it’s literally the mental image of a stop sign or “stop!” You cut it with the word. and switch to a different thought.
Journaling
Writing in a journal provides many health and wellness benefits. The trick to keeping an effective journal is to write about the problem objectively and how you feel about it, then come up with alternative solutions with a positive attitude.
Seek Support
Support of our friends and family is priceless, many of us are lucky to have those who we can talk to when we feel down or any type of way. Laugh with them instead of complaining to them. If you run into a bigger challenge, tell them how you feel, pick their brain and move on to happier topics.
Be Grateful
Counting your blessings is a great way to get out of a bad mood or to keep focused on better things in life. You’ll see it’s hard to complain when you’re this lucky.
Take Action
The urge to complain comes from dissatisfaction and not being able to change it. Complaints can be a sign that action is needed. So the next time you want to complain, focus on what you can do to change your circumstances instead and take action!
Choose Optimism
It is much easier to quit negative habits by replacing them with positive ones. In fact, many experts say it’s the only effective way to do it! Replace negative thoughts and words with optimistic ones to see the change.
“Don’t”s for Complaining Loved Ones
Don’t complain about their complaining
The complainant usually has tunnel vision at the time. Complaining about their complaints will likely fuel their own distress, causing them to feel judged and hurt, which will cause further irritation or negativity. If you can’t be supportive at the moment because of your own stress, tell them so and take your own advice and find ways to calm down.
Don’t give the same advice over and over
Yes, you want to help, you hold the solution to their problem. That is nice. But if you’ve already given your advice and it’s not going anywhere, change your route. Obviously it doesn’t work. No reason for both of you to feel frustrated by the same unhelpful conversation.
Don’t make a big deal about it
You want to be supportive and understanding when your loved ones complain, but don’t turn it into a three-hour drama filled with deep sighs and pampering, especially if it happens regularly. If you do, there is a danger of feeding the pity party. It can quickly fall into a behavioral and emotional pattern that’s difficult to break and keeps the circle going. First aid for a complaint is focused listening. Let the person breathe, tell their story. Resist the urge to give advice and be the savior.
If you’re looking to build new habits and enhance your health, then it’s time to start thinking about what you should be doing differently in your life. The good news is that there are many ways to make changes to your lifestyle that can improve your health and lead to better overall wellness. If you want to learn how to live a healthier lifestyle, download wannawell app for free.
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